I have just turned another year older and have that horrible feeling like I should be farther in life and accomplishments than I am. I guess its just natural to want to make more money, give my kids more, have more time with my family instead of work... blah, blah.

I recently had a friend close to me lose his leg to some very unfortunate events, and I instantly felt horrible for him. He is such a great guy, and always asks about the kids and would just give you the shirt off his back. We work in a very physical intensive job and I just had a feeling like, " His life is over! He's all alone and what is he going to do now?"

We have a common love and need for coffee, so I went and visited him (we work in a hospital, very convienent!) I walked into his room and tears filled my eyes, but I sucked them back. I couldn't let him see weakness, because at work, I am known to be the strong, tough, smart you know what. There I was in a tunnel of my heart breaking for him and just totally unsure what to say moment, and he looked over and said, " Hey baby( that's what he calls me in a very hey buddy kinda way). My heart sank further in the pit of my soul, and he smiled and talked about getting the show on the road, and getting into rehab and learning how to walk with a prostetic and getting back to work.

"Ummmm....What?" Here we were, with this brave man not blaming anyone, or looking at this as his life was over and he's embracing the challenge and even saying God had a reason for putting him in this situation and how he was ready to defy the odds. What a horrible person I felt like. I should have been thanking God he only had to lose his foot and not the whole leg so he could get a prostetic and be back in no time. Faith is something I have newly renewed and it's a long road for me to get to a place I need to be in my faith and religion. My friend is so brave and willing to laugh at the issue and move on and I admire him more now, than I did before.

I have recently been in a mental state of self pitty, hate and all the other not so good feelings. Looking at my friend and his situation makes me want to be a better me! How can I love my neighbor, without first loving me. So here I am, on a journey to make myself:
A Better: Wife , mother, friend, christian, and friend to myself.

Mediocre is no longer acceptable and I won't quit until I think I have become a better person. First step: work on the family part.